My most upsetting experience with a bully was in Jr. High School, one of my friends had a friend that was very jealous and controlling and didn't want her to be friends with anyone else. That was difficult for us because my friend and I had lived next door to each other since we were two years old. So, the new friend sent out word that she was going to beat me up after school. I was mortified and petrified. I didn't want to fight and more importantly I DID NOT want to fight for what seemed like no reason at all. Today, I would have stood my ground armed with insightful and powerful words that would have made her look ridicules and then bravely turned my back and walked away. (that's how it plays out in the fantasy in my head, anyway) But back then, I was scared, I didn't want to fight, I walked quickly with a friend to her house because it was closer than mine. I called my mom and she came to pick me up. As we drove home I could no longer hold back the weight of my tears and then we passed my friend and her friend walking together. My mother stopped the car and walked up to the girl in only the way a Mama Bear can and said "If you want to beat someone up, you beat me up but don't you lay a hand on my daughter." And then she turned to my child hood friend and said how surprised and disappointed that she was with her for letting this go on and then told her to get in the car. Later that afternoon, both girls came to my house to apologize to me and from there we were all friends. It wasn't long and drawn out perhaps because she knew from the start what she was doing wasn't right, a storybook ending no less. Unfortunately, this is not true for everyone.
It caused me to see my mother in a whole new light. She really was my protector, I had seen it first hand and the feeling remains with me to this day. So, maybe I have to wrestle with myself over not being brave, was I being cowardly, I don't know but I have never questioned the actions of my mother that day.
This all comes to mind because I recently read the book, My Secret Bully by Trudy Ludwig. (Illustrations by Abigail Marble) After you read this book you will understand why she is award winning, acclaimed and highly respected by the educational community. Her other books related to the subject of bullying are Just Kidding, Confessions of a Former Bully and Trouble Talk. She has written several picture books about social issues and they are ALL worth taking the time to read.
Another good book to read that takes the age down a notch is Nobody Knew What to Do, A Story about Bullying by Becky Ray McCain and illustrated by Todd Leonardo. Children immediately relate to these books because they do a good job of describing the feelings that accompany these situations. These books also have an excellent, do-able solution to the problem.
Going younger still into the world of the bully leads you to, Marlene, Marlene, the Queen of Mean by Jane Lynch with advice and guidance from Lara Embry, PHD and A.E. Mikesell. (Illustrations by Tricia Tusa) It begins...Let me tell you the story of a girl seeking glory, who thought that the best thing to do was to pinch and to kick and to scowl and to flick and to block children's way to the loo.
She sounds delightful....? Luckily people can change and this story gives you some advice on how to do that if you or someone you know in fact can relate at all to Marlene and what to do to stand up to someone like her.
Because bullying is a high profile, social situation I just wanted to make you aware of a couple of books that are out there to assist you, written with just the right words that provide skills for coping with this all too real situation.
